anxiety and hosting events

[brainwane]

I could use some tips on how to be a better event host when some participants are acting unusually anxious.

Sometimes, when I am hosting an event, there are new participants who demonstrate a level of anxiousness above and beyond standard jitters. Like, it's very common for a first-timer to not initiate conversation and to not move around physically to mingle, to double-check whether it's OK to sit down in a particular chair, and to be unsure of what topics it's ok to talk about.

But I'm talking about stuff like:

• about every 3rd thing they say is laced with self-deprecation
• they respond with uncertainty and "is it ok?" double-checks to pretty standard offers (e.g. a snack from a pile of snacks on a table in front of them)
• their worries take over the ordinary give-and-take of conversation, because when other people mention things they like or new ideas, the anxious person's responses usually include some worry about the thing (not framed as curiosity)

Tips?

Comments

[j00j]

Mostly here to listen because we have a few people in our social sphere who are similarly nervous. Often it stems from trauma and just takes *a lot of time* for people to understand it's okay to ask and you really mean it when they say something is acceptable or even encouraged. I'd say that the job you've taken on as a host is not to guarantee someone will be comfortable, but to offer the things you can for their comfort. I like the idea of getting a more chill cohost who has additional bandwidth to do some of the emotional work here in talking to folks with this level of anxiety. I absolutely agree there's a point where someone has to name the pattern if a person's worries are dominating the conversation. Someone with this level of anxiety may not be in a position to take that feedback well, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't name it. It does mean speaking separately to them about it might be helpful if it's possible-- it may not be if they're a first timer and things are at a point where you need to redirect things to allow others to enjoy the event.