anxiety and hosting events

[brainwane]

I could use some tips on how to be a better event host when some participants are acting unusually anxious.

Sometimes, when I am hosting an event, there are new participants who demonstrate a level of anxiousness above and beyond standard jitters. Like, it's very common for a first-timer to not initiate conversation and to not move around physically to mingle, to double-check whether it's OK to sit down in a particular chair, and to be unsure of what topics it's ok to talk about.

But I'm talking about stuff like:

• about every 3rd thing they say is laced with self-deprecation
• they respond with uncertainty and "is it ok?" double-checks to pretty standard offers (e.g. a snack from a pile of snacks on a table in front of them)
• their worries take over the ordinary give-and-take of conversation, because when other people mention things they like or new ideas, the anxious person's responses usually include some worry about the thing (not framed as curiosity)

Tips?

Comments

[lilacsigil]

Hello, I get that nervous, and I don't like it in myself, either.

Things that help: ignore the self-deprecation and move on with the conversation, same with the "is it ok?" double checks. "Yep, that's ok, help yourself to anything," then move on. That is an annoying thing I do but only figure out later what was happening.

When the anxiety is taking over the flow of conversation, redirect the topic rather than leave someone stuck dealing with the anxiety. The anxiety is going to happen, and the host should be saving other guests from it rather than attending to the anxious person, who is most likely anxious about the whole situation rather than a specific thing that can be addressed. You'll know you're doing it right when they come back another time.