anxiety and hosting events

[brainwane]

I could use some tips on how to be a better event host when some participants are acting unusually anxious.

Sometimes, when I am hosting an event, there are new participants who demonstrate a level of anxiousness above and beyond standard jitters. Like, it's very common for a first-timer to not initiate conversation and to not move around physically to mingle, to double-check whether it's OK to sit down in a particular chair, and to be unsure of what topics it's ok to talk about.

But I'm talking about stuff like:

• about every 3rd thing they say is laced with self-deprecation
• they respond with uncertainty and "is it ok?" double-checks to pretty standard offers (e.g. a snack from a pile of snacks on a table in front of them)
• their worries take over the ordinary give-and-take of conversation, because when other people mention things they like or new ideas, the anxious person's responses usually include some worry about the thing (not framed as curiosity)

Tips?

Comments

Re: non-logistical concerns

[karen2205]

Maybe, but the only things I can think of are time consuming in a way that's not really compatible with hosting:-/

- say something like 'sorry, I'm tired, I'm not sure I've explained it very well - can you tell me what I've just said to you, to check I've not missed anything out'. I deliberately use a self deprecating formulation when I'm trying to check understanding with adults because it can sound very 'adult to child', but that's not necessary.

- give them a job to do, so there's something for them to focus on that isn't being worried.

- sit with them and let them ramble at you, making approving noises every so often, using your calmness / stillness to help them calm [really not compatible with hosting]

- encourage them to go home + come back another day, say the event will still be there and if they're not up for it today, that's OK.

- call them on it 'I've explained x three times now, you still seem really anxious. Is there something I could do right now that might help?' or ask them explicitly 'what's wrong?' 'is everything ok?' [runs the risk of you getting into an emotionally complex conversation]