anxiety and hosting events

[brainwane]

I could use some tips on how to be a better event host when some participants are acting unusually anxious.

Sometimes, when I am hosting an event, there are new participants who demonstrate a level of anxiousness above and beyond standard jitters. Like, it's very common for a first-timer to not initiate conversation and to not move around physically to mingle, to double-check whether it's OK to sit down in a particular chair, and to be unsure of what topics it's ok to talk about.

But I'm talking about stuff like:

• about every 3rd thing they say is laced with self-deprecation
• they respond with uncertainty and "is it ok?" double-checks to pretty standard offers (e.g. a snack from a pile of snacks on a table in front of them)
• their worries take over the ordinary give-and-take of conversation, because when other people mention things they like or new ideas, the anxious person's responses usually include some worry about the thing (not framed as curiosity)

Tips?

Comments

[totient]

If the gathering has a social purpose whose outcome is not guaranteed, maybe resolve that outcome for a (consenting) nervous person first? So for instance at a Toastmasters event where not everyone gets/has to speak, I often resolve my nervousness by going first, and I always name that nervousness and my specific fears out loud so that others can see what I am doing and that my fears did not materialize.