some food analogies/metaphors that have come to mind recently

[brainwane]

From Emily McCombs in a Slate advice column last year:

In recovery circles, I’ve heard this described as “going to the hardware store for oranges.” In this case, the hardware store is your parents and the oranges are the love and support you rightfully wish they could give you. Unfortunately, the hardware store simply doesn’t stock oranges. And we save ourselves a world of hurt when we learn to stop going to people for things they aren’t capable of giving us.

From Frowner on Ask MetaFilter ten years ago:

....a "this is the way the world has to work or something is wrong" way. It's like my parents feel that you really aren't having breakfast unless you have a little egg-cup-sized glass of orange juice. It's how they grew up, there's nothing wrong with orange juice...but I had to get orange juice glasses for their visits because they really did not like not having orange juice at breakfast and not having tiny cups, even though I never have it myself and don't really have a use for tiny cups*. But breakfast is Wrong without orange juice in tiny cups - they're not tyrants, they're not selfish people, they just have this...deep....feeling that the way the world works requires OJ in tiny cups.

My point is that you do not need to be a selfish tyrant to have learned that something is just off about the world if your daily life isn't completely in line with your feelings, wishes and beliefs. You can feel this in a very deep way that feels "true".....

*My parents are great; I don't mind having the cups.

And I can't find this bit right now, but I remember a blog post where a guy mentioned that his usual order at a particular restaurant was such-and-such main dish, because "I like the potatoes it comes with." Which has stuck with me as a metaphor for doing something because you want a side effect that indirectly comes along with it, rather than intentionally and directly choosing the thing you want.

Comments

[watersword]

I'm laughing because my mother was recently in my apartment and I have a tiny pitcher specifically for when she visits because if there is no tiny pitcher for milk, something is profoundly Wrong.

Humans sharing characteristics

[brainwane]

I wish your mother and Frowner's parents could have a little chat to share how they feel about tiny containers of juice and milk! To talk about how their kids are just weirdos about this!

I too am prone to a Something Is Wrong Unless It's This Way habit of mind; right now the one closest to the surface has to do with a new friend who's more reserved about self-disclosure than I am.

Re: Humans sharing characteristics

[watersword]

Oh man that conversation would be amazing. Don't get me wrong, I bought a tiny pitcher that I think is gorgeous and I am happy to have it, but it is definitely To Make Mom Happy, not something I need or use in daily life.

There's a bit that I would have sworn was in CS Lewis' Screwtape Letters that I now cannot find, about how we assume that the things and habits we grow up with are "real" or "proper", and how upset we become when we encounter things and habits which differ from them, even if they are actually entirely made-up standards. Like, if you are accustomed to butter knives of a certain shape, and someone has butter knives that are "weird", your mind reacts with "well, that's not a REAL butter knife". I am mangling this metaphor and it is going to drive me crazy that I cannot find the source material.

Re: Humans sharing characteristics

[ndrosen]

I remember that passage; Screwtape is telling Wormwood that the girlfriend of Wormwood’s “patient” has much more ignorance and naïveté than spiritual pride, much the same attitude that she would have had as a ten year old, that fish knives different from those used by her own family weren’t proper fish knives at all. But with effort, Wormwood’s patient can be taught to copy her attitude, only with a large component of spiritual pride.

Re: Humans sharing characteristics

[watersword]

I KNEW IT WAS FISH KNIVES!!!!

Why can't I find the passage damnit.

Re: Humans sharing characteristics

[watersword]

I swear to God I recently told my mother about this conversation (as part of an attempt to persuade her NOT to purchase another tiny pitcher), and she nearly died laughing but also still thinks that she is Correct about tiny pitchers being essential to happiness.

Re: Humans sharing characteristics

[brainwane]

Ha!!

[phi]

oh the hardware store/orange metaphor is _so good_. Thank you!

Home Depot *is* orange but does not *sell* oranges

[brainwane]

Home Depot *is* orange but does not *sell* oranges. Crucial distinction.

All jests aside -- yeah, it's a helpful bit of wisdom. In an "all models are wrong and some are useful" sort of way, I chafe against the edges of it, because it could be twisted to be very fixed-mindset. "That person does not currently fulfill your needs and thus is INCAPABLE of EVER changing to adapt to your needs!" But temperament is hard to change.

Oh! Yes!

[jesse_the_k]

The Home Depot metaphor is so relevant right now, thank you.

Eight years ago I admired holyoutlaw's fabulous food metaphor

Insisting on providing unsolicited advice is serving cheeseburgers to vegetarians

Re: Oh! Yes!

[brainwane]

Maybe... I'm thinking about what analogy could work better for me here. Because often it's like the unsolicited nature of the advice is like sprinkling bacon on the otherwise-enjoyable salad!

Check out this interaction where the interlocutor says: I can't use a suggestion you offer right now but I could ask for it later.

[conuly]

> In recovery circles, I’ve heard this described as “going to the hardware store for oranges.” In this case, the hardware store is your parents and the oranges are the love and support you rightfully wish they could give you. Unfortunately, the hardware store simply doesn’t stock oranges. And we save ourselves a world of hurt when we learn to stop going to people for things they aren’t capable of giving us.

I've heard this as trying to get pizza/tacos from a burger joint. Same metaphor. (Although, fair's fair, I do buy candy every time I go to Home Depot. They don't sell oranges. They do sell Reese Sticks.)

[brainwane]

Oh I bet the big bags of candy are nice and cheap at Home Depot!

I've heard this as trying to get pizza/tacos from a burger joint. Same metaphor.

Yup!

[conuly]

Oh I bet the big bags of candy are nice and cheap at Home Depot!

Wrong on both fronts, they only sell candy in the checkout aisle, so single servings, and they overcharge. But I'm willing to pay the price if I can consistently get reese sticks, which for some reason are not in every store ever!