![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brainwaneFrom Emily McCombs in a Slate advice column last year:
From Frowner on Ask MetaFilter ten years ago:
And I can't find this bit right now, but I remember a blog post where a guy mentioned that his usual order at a particular restaurant was such-and-such main dish, because "I like the potatoes it comes with." Which has stuck with me as a metaphor for doing something because you want a side effect that indirectly comes along with it, rather than intentionally and directly choosing the thing you want.
In recovery circles, I’ve heard this described as “going to the hardware store for oranges.” In this case, the hardware store is your parents and the oranges are the love and support you rightfully wish they could give you. Unfortunately, the hardware store simply doesn’t stock oranges. And we save ourselves a world of hurt when we learn to stop going to people for things they aren’t capable of giving us.
From Frowner on Ask MetaFilter ten years ago:
....a "this is the way the world has to work or something is wrong" way. It's like my parents feel that you really aren't having breakfast unless you have a little egg-cup-sized glass of orange juice. It's how they grew up, there's nothing wrong with orange juice...but I had to get orange juice glasses for their visits because they really did not like not having orange juice at breakfast and not having tiny cups, even though I never have it myself and don't really have a use for tiny cups*. But breakfast is Wrong without orange juice in tiny cups - they're not tyrants, they're not selfish people, they just have this...deep....feeling that the way the world works requires OJ in tiny cups.
My point is that you do not need to be a selfish tyrant to have learned that something is just off about the world if your daily life isn't completely in line with your feelings, wishes and beliefs. You can feel this in a very deep way that feels "true".....
*My parents are great; I don't mind having the cups.
My point is that you do not need to be a selfish tyrant to have learned that something is just off about the world if your daily life isn't completely in line with your feelings, wishes and beliefs. You can feel this in a very deep way that feels "true".....
*My parents are great; I don't mind having the cups.
And I can't find this bit right now, but I remember a blog post where a guy mentioned that his usual order at a particular restaurant was such-and-such main dish, because "I like the potatoes it comes with." Which has stuck with me as a metaphor for doing something because you want a side effect that indirectly comes along with it, rather than intentionally and directly choosing the thing you want.
