![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
So, for the past few years, every year when I read the list of new MacArthur Fellows, I would get upset and envious.
Today I saw the new list was available and I took several seconds to wait before clicking and sit with myself and be ok with the fact that I would feel what I was gonna feel: Envy and ambition and desire, maybe upset if someone won who I knew and didn't like, a feeling of failure that I would not be on the list and maybe someone I see as a peer is, a feeling of hopelessness worrying that I'm not ever going to be driven/disciplined enough to do the things that would bring me to that kind of recognition.
And I thought about going to the Musee des Arts et Metiers in Paris, how there's a Jacquard loom there but also there are all these other looms by these other people who innovated in ways Jacquard learned from, and I remembered that I'm part of the ecology, supporting brilliant people and helping them do work and get recognized.
And then I sat with that and then I looked and I was able to be happy for the people who are actually being recognized! Especially Lynda Barry and Danielle Keats Citron! And to know that in another year maybe one of my closer friends will be on the list and I'll be so happy for them.
Today I saw the new list was available and I took several seconds to wait before clicking and sit with myself and be ok with the fact that I would feel what I was gonna feel: Envy and ambition and desire, maybe upset if someone won who I knew and didn't like, a feeling of failure that I would not be on the list and maybe someone I see as a peer is, a feeling of hopelessness worrying that I'm not ever going to be driven/disciplined enough to do the things that would bring me to that kind of recognition.
And I thought about going to the Musee des Arts et Metiers in Paris, how there's a Jacquard loom there but also there are all these other looms by these other people who innovated in ways Jacquard learned from, and I remembered that I'm part of the ecology, supporting brilliant people and helping them do work and get recognized.
And then I sat with that and then I looked and I was able to be happy for the people who are actually being recognized! Especially Lynda Barry and Danielle Keats Citron! And to know that in another year maybe one of my closer friends will be on the list and I'll be so happy for them.
