What works for me when my social anxiety is high enough to prompt behaviors like you describe:
- Like altamira16 said, pre-emptively clearly state expectations to reduce uncertainty
- Include social/emotional expectations in the pre-emptive communication. Ones I've received in the past are like: "You're welcome to ask for anything you need to be more comfortable, I won't mind and I'll accommodate if I can -- but know that I can't accommodate worrying, venting, or complaining, I'm not the right audience for that." "I'm going to focus on [positive/hopeful aspects of topic], your concerns are valid but let's save them for another time." "I already said [thing they double check about] is okay. Please don't keep asking, I will tell you if that changes." "Deprecating people is off-limits here, and that includes negging oneself. Knock it off."
-Name the pattern: "Your worries are taking over the conversation; let's refocus. [subject change]" "You're saying a lot of negative stuff about yourself. I'm uncomfortable with that. Can you stop, and talk about something else?"
I might have more; will think about it and come back later.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2024-12-06 04:24 pm (UTC)- Like
- Include social/emotional expectations in the pre-emptive communication. Ones I've received in the past are like: "You're welcome to ask for anything you need to be more comfortable, I won't mind and I'll accommodate if I can -- but know that I can't accommodate worrying, venting, or complaining, I'm not the right audience for that." "I'm going to focus on [positive/hopeful aspects of topic], your concerns are valid but let's save them for another time." "I already said [thing they double check about] is okay. Please don't keep asking, I will tell you if that changes." "Deprecating people is off-limits here, and that includes negging oneself. Knock it off."
-Name the pattern: "Your worries are taking over the conversation; let's refocus. [subject change]" "You're saying a lot of negative stuff about yourself. I'm uncomfortable with that. Can you stop, and talk about something else?"
I might have more; will think about it and come back later.