anxiety and hosting events

[brainwane]

I could use some tips on how to be a better event host when some participants are acting unusually anxious.

Sometimes, when I am hosting an event, there are new participants who demonstrate a level of anxiousness above and beyond standard jitters. Like, it's very common for a first-timer to not initiate conversation and to not move around physically to mingle, to double-check whether it's OK to sit down in a particular chair, and to be unsure of what topics it's ok to talk about.

But I'm talking about stuff like:

• about every 3rd thing they say is laced with self-deprecation
• they respond with uncertainty and "is it ok?" double-checks to pretty standard offers (e.g. a snack from a pile of snacks on a table in front of them)
• their worries take over the ordinary give-and-take of conversation, because when other people mention things they like or new ideas, the anxious person's responses usually include some worry about the thing (not framed as curiosity)

Tips?

Comments

[indywind]

What works for me when my social anxiety is high enough to prompt behaviors like you describe:

- Like altamira16 said, pre-emptively clearly state expectations to reduce uncertainty

- Include social/emotional expectations in the pre-emptive communication. Ones I've received in the past are like: "You're welcome to ask for anything you need to be more comfortable, I won't mind and I'll accommodate if I can -- but know that I can't accommodate worrying, venting, or complaining, I'm not the right audience for that." "I'm going to focus on [positive/hopeful aspects of topic], your concerns are valid but let's save them for another time." "I already said [thing they double check about] is okay. Please don't keep asking, I will tell you if that changes." "Deprecating people is off-limits here, and that includes negging oneself. Knock it off."

-Name the pattern: "Your worries are taking over the conversation; let's refocus. [subject change]" "You're saying a lot of negative stuff about yourself. I'm uncomfortable with that. Can you stop, and talk about something else?"

I might have more; will think about it and come back later.