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Excised from elsewhere, on trust
I'm writing a blog post over at my name blog about how open source maintainers can think about trusting new co-maintainers, what that trust entails, how to check for trustworthiness, etc. I was writing this bit, and then a friend reminded me that including something about sex in this piece would mean that she could not share it in her starchy workplace. So I'm saving it here instead, and will replace it with an analogy that won't raise as many eyebrows.
...some intake processes concentrate quite a lot on checking for trustworthiness, specifically for the candidate's capacity to be a responsible colleague and take criticism well.....
...some intake processes concentrate quite a lot on checking for trustworthiness, specifically for the candidate's capacity to be a responsible colleague and take criticism well.....
In the subculture of people who engage in nonmonogamy or other alternative sexual experiences together, "vetting" is sometimes informal, but sometimes groups do require new members to go through a formal process. This Bay Area-based group's application asks whether any existing group members have endorsed the candidate's application, and asks questions like
How do you know when someone consents to an experience you invite them to share with you? What information do you look for and how do you seek it out?
In Bonobo, we understand that people may make mistakes, cross other people's boundaries, or just impact one another without necessarily realizing it. But we also expect that people will own up to their impacts and mistakes, and take responsibility for them. Tell us about a time you crossed someone's boundary and took responsibility for it. What happened, how did you respond when you realized you crossed their boundary, and how did you deal with it after that?
https://www.bonobonetwork.com/apply
vetting, asking them to think about their values (Oakland play application), asking for references,.....
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That's such a great question to reflect on at any time.
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I've been thinking about a major moment in our relationship early on. It made a TREMENDOUS difference in my outlook on life. It doesn't matter the subject, but you said, "I'm not white". What? You're not white? Everybody is white! Except black people. And Asians. But everybody else is--what? Huh? Wait, that makes sense. Indians are not white! All sorts of people are not white! Holy crap!
Strange place to mention it, I know, but I'm here, you're here, what the hell.
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