Things I learned about eldercare, family caregiving, and end of life

[brainwane]

My mother died this year, after a long decline in her health, and I was one of the main people who helped take care of her. (Here’s her obituary.) While caring for her, preparing for her death, and handling logistics afterwards, I learned a lot from online resources, various professionals, and friends. So I'm trying to pass on some things I learned by sharing them in a new blog post: Eldercare, Family Caretaking, and End-of-life Logistics: Stuff I Learned.

Topics:

You HAVE to take care of yourself: what happens if you don’t, the minimum you have to do, and checking for emergency levels of stress.

Changes to expect in the months, weeks, and days before death: read this free guide.

Checklists for before and just after death: a few free lists and workbooks to help you plan things and take care of logistics.

Wills, powers of attorney, and advance health care directives: start before you need them, and LegalZoom is fine.

Easy-to-eat food, and letting your friends help you: MealTrain, deliveries, and what food is easiest.

Hospital chaplains can do a lot: even if you’re not Christian, they can connect you to useful people and resources.

Patient advocacy (which means catching mistakes): the medical team will probably accidentally miss stuff unless you remind them.

Medical notetaking at appointments and the bedside: be a patient advocate, provide continuity of care, and prevent mistakes; make and bring basic records, and keep up during a hospital stay.

Researching specific treatments and how to perform at-home procedures: look up science and instructions by professionals so you can know what’s happening and how to troubleshoot.

Organ and body donation, and donating unused medicine: try to do paperwork before death, and have a Plan B.

Palliative care, hospice, insurance (including Medicare), and hospice facility eligibility: the doctors are giving you subtext you need to understand.

Delirium and persuasion: it’s hard to be with someone who’s losing connection with reality, but I have some tips.

Music for comfort: calming playlists can calm agitation, and be solace if you’re not there.

Books and blogs that helped me prepare for this: I recommend some memoirs and how-tos.

This was, at times, hard to write. Hope it helps. Please feel free to share it publicly and widely.